Baby Names: The Biggest Spoiler Ever

In the post-Twitter world, protecting a secret has become very difficult. Particularly when that secret is something your closest relatives all want to know right now.

The name of our child has been kept secret since we found out we were pregnant, and with good reason. I once batted around a possible name with a friend who promptly responded with horror, "You can't name your kid THAT!" Revealing the name after the kid is born acts as insurance. After he's born, we'll hand our son to our friends and introduce him. This way, no one -- no matter how jaded -- will hear the name and look down at the tiny bundle in their hands and say, "You have a stupid name."

There were many factors to consider when choosing a baby name. Fortunately, there are about a million baby-name books all claiming to be the best baby-name books ever to help make matters even more confusing (actually not "a million," but Amazon.com does list 21,553 hits under the search "baby names." So... I'm sure they're all wonderful).

Things we considered were:

Alliteration: Our last name starts with "M." If we choose "Marcus," for example, is his name going to be too cutesy?

Joke Names: These are popular among younger parents. Specifically teenagers. I remember two juniors from my high school naming their newborn child "River Bed Smith." Jeez. Not to get too judgy, but foresight was obviously not their strength to begin with.

Family: Do you have it in you to be so sure your name is great that you want to pass it along to your child, too? And then you're setting up a real trend. The pressure is on your kid to grow up and have ANOTHER child with that name. Without even knowing it, you've started a tradition that could be potentially annoying.

Baby Names For Adults: I always remember that Toby from "The West Wing" named one of his children Huck. Which is cute... for a baby. For a 35-year-old balding dude working in an office, it's probably a reason to use his middle name. The realization that we're not only naming a baby but naming an adult was one of the greatest and most shocking revelations of this process. That and the whole delivering the placenta part, but we'll cross that road when we get to it.