Yeesh... almost unwatchable. Almost.
So much awkward standing around. Even Episode II had some dialog between the unnatural pauses.
However, if you think Kathy Lee is an idiot, at least she got her quote correct (I'm looking at you, Hoda). And big ups to Ann Curry for correctly labeling the throne as belonging to the Emperor and NOT to Darth Vader.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Crap Mentors
Why do the (arguably) best movies in a series have these crappy mentors?
So I finally picked up a copy of "The Dark Knight" for my personal ownership, and I've been sporadically watching it between diaper changes, and while I've certainly enjoyed it multiple times, one thing that has stuck in my craw since viewing one is that Alfred is a crappy mentor.
Sure, I get it. He's sarcastic and offers a lighter side to Bruce Wayne's gloomy demeanor. But he also gives advice. Some of it insightful (the whole "some men want to watch the world burn" is insightful, if not very helpful). Some of it just seems illadvised.
THERE'S A SPOILERS A HEAD, Y'AR!
I'm thinking mostly of the scene after the death of Rachel Dawes, Bruce's oldest friend and long time love. She was blown up. She is not coming back. On top of everything else, Harvey Dent was nearly killed and lost half his face to an oil burn. Alfred enters the Wayne penthouse and finds Bruce still half in his Batman outfit, the mask and gloves strewn about.
These are VISUAL CUES, Alfred. Bruce is upset. He's in tears. The only other time in this series have we seen him in tears like this involve his parents' murder, so this is probably significant.
Bruce asks if he brought this horror upon the city and says that he wanted to inspire good. And what does Alfred say? "You have inspired good. But you spat in the face of Gotham's criminals. Didn't you think there would be casualties?"
Yeeeeeeeesh, man. You might get away with calling this tough love if there was a hint of love in it at all. But the way it's played, it sounds like an old man telling a boy who just lost his pet puppy, "Forget it. Puppies die. Who cares?" It's not exactly inspirational and I've never understood why Bruce didn't just jump out a window after this speech.
This corelates to my mutual obsession with "Star Wars" and the bad mentor of Yoda. Sure, he's trained generations of Jedis to do battle and use the Force, but Yoda's not what you'd call a "touchy feely" kind of guy. Luke Skywalker -- the galaxy's only hope at survival -- likes his friends, and when he sees a vision of them in trouble, he wants to go after them. Of course, it's a trap, and Yoda knows this. EVERYONE knows this. But Yoda doesn't explain it to Luke that way. Instead Yoda gives Luke what must be the shittiest bit of advice to ever come out of the "Star Wars" movies, and that includes the ways to flirt demonstrated in Episode II. When Luke asks if he should sacrifice Han and Leia, Yoda says, "If you honor what they fight for, yes." I know Yoda's not in the hero-making game, he's in the strong-Jedi-making game, but I've still never heard someone say, "In order to save the world, you should sacrifice a few innosent friends" and be considered a great guy.
Now it's true, the little puppet puts a little more care into this brand of "tough love" than Michael Cain did in his scene, but it still masks the crappy mentoring only so much. The crappy mentoring is made even more clear in the prequels where Yoda seems to go on and on about how Anakin's love for someone is going to get him in trouble (hey! and just like that, I found something that was actually CONSISTENT in the prequels to the original trilogy!). Ultimately, isn't this "Care only thiiiiiiis much" philosophy what cost the Jedi the galaxy, to say nothing of their lives? In a cruel irony, Yoda and his shit mentor abilities live on to train and poorly advise another 30 years before becoming the first Jedi to die of disappearing heart failure. But his creed remains clear in a Monty Burns way: Friends, family... these are the hurdles you must defeat if you are to be successful.
Oh, and in "JEDI" Yoda kind of lied to Luke about Anakin being Darth Vader... and then tries to pretend he's sleepy! Worst liar in the galaxy you are.
So here's to you, Yoda and Alfred. You seem like you're good at what you do, but many times the heroes succeed in spite of you.
So I finally picked up a copy of "The Dark Knight" for my personal ownership, and I've been sporadically watching it between diaper changes, and while I've certainly enjoyed it multiple times, one thing that has stuck in my craw since viewing one is that Alfred is a crappy mentor.
Sure, I get it. He's sarcastic and offers a lighter side to Bruce Wayne's gloomy demeanor. But he also gives advice. Some of it insightful (the whole "some men want to watch the world burn" is insightful, if not very helpful). Some of it just seems illadvised.
THERE'S A SPOILERS A HEAD, Y'AR!
I'm thinking mostly of the scene after the death of Rachel Dawes, Bruce's oldest friend and long time love. She was blown up. She is not coming back. On top of everything else, Harvey Dent was nearly killed and lost half his face to an oil burn. Alfred enters the Wayne penthouse and finds Bruce still half in his Batman outfit, the mask and gloves strewn about.
These are VISUAL CUES, Alfred. Bruce is upset. He's in tears. The only other time in this series have we seen him in tears like this involve his parents' murder, so this is probably significant.
Bruce asks if he brought this horror upon the city and says that he wanted to inspire good. And what does Alfred say? "You have inspired good. But you spat in the face of Gotham's criminals. Didn't you think there would be casualties?"
Yeeeeeeeesh, man. You might get away with calling this tough love if there was a hint of love in it at all. But the way it's played, it sounds like an old man telling a boy who just lost his pet puppy, "Forget it. Puppies die. Who cares?" It's not exactly inspirational and I've never understood why Bruce didn't just jump out a window after this speech.
This corelates to my mutual obsession with "Star Wars" and the bad mentor of Yoda. Sure, he's trained generations of Jedis to do battle and use the Force, but Yoda's not what you'd call a "touchy feely" kind of guy. Luke Skywalker -- the galaxy's only hope at survival -- likes his friends, and when he sees a vision of them in trouble, he wants to go after them. Of course, it's a trap, and Yoda knows this. EVERYONE knows this. But Yoda doesn't explain it to Luke that way. Instead Yoda gives Luke what must be the shittiest bit of advice to ever come out of the "Star Wars" movies, and that includes the ways to flirt demonstrated in Episode II. When Luke asks if he should sacrifice Han and Leia, Yoda says, "If you honor what they fight for, yes." I know Yoda's not in the hero-making game, he's in the strong-Jedi-making game, but I've still never heard someone say, "In order to save the world, you should sacrifice a few innosent friends" and be considered a great guy.
Now it's true, the little puppet puts a little more care into this brand of "tough love" than Michael Cain did in his scene, but it still masks the crappy mentoring only so much. The crappy mentoring is made even more clear in the prequels where Yoda seems to go on and on about how Anakin's love for someone is going to get him in trouble (hey! and just like that, I found something that was actually CONSISTENT in the prequels to the original trilogy!). Ultimately, isn't this "Care only thiiiiiiis much" philosophy what cost the Jedi the galaxy, to say nothing of their lives? In a cruel irony, Yoda and his shit mentor abilities live on to train and poorly advise another 30 years before becoming the first Jedi to die of disappearing heart failure. But his creed remains clear in a Monty Burns way: Friends, family... these are the hurdles you must defeat if you are to be successful.
Oh, and in "JEDI" Yoda kind of lied to Luke about Anakin being Darth Vader... and then tries to pretend he's sleepy! Worst liar in the galaxy you are.
So here's to you, Yoda and Alfred. You seem like you're good at what you do, but many times the heroes succeed in spite of you.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Can I Always Get "You Can't Always Get What You Want?" Pt. 2
I've GOT IT... again.
I've figured out why this particular version of "You Can't..." is set apart from the others.
It's a Joe Cocker version.
See it this way: Cocker covers the Beatles' "With A Little Help From My Friends" in what has to be one of the best covers at the time, maybe ever since I can't see how he got that kind of intensity out of what is essentially a flowery Ringo tune. It's that intensity that fueled the original version of "You Can't..." to be so great. The intensity that comes with having a boys' choir backing you.
Now the Stones "couldn't" tour with a full boys' choir (at least not in 1973; I'm fairly certain they could put the money together today), so they had to figure out a way to ratchet up that kind of intensity (yes, I'm going to use that word a lot). And they did it with emotion.
The '73 Tour version has all the lyrics, which the "CIRCUS," "LOVE YOU LIVE" and many subsequent versions do not. It also still has a legitimate horn section, including what sounds to be a French horn at the beginning, but very importantly it does NOT contain a keyboard version of a French horn (I'm looking at you, "LOVE YOU LIVE"). Keyboard substitutions for instruments sound exactly like what they are. That, and crap.
Any time I catch "Satisfaction" again, I'm always kind of amazed at how effectively shouty Jagger is by the end "I can't GET NO's," and he employs that same type of, oh, what's the word, INTENSITY to the build up in this '73 version. By the time we get to that final reworking of the opening stanza, with all the instruments that have picked up as the song has progressed playing at full power, he has nowhere to go but up. And he does it.
That's why this version's the best one. It starts out as a sad song, then gets to a kind of angry sadness that transforms into catharsis.
That and it's in a different key. But that's all tech stuff.
And that's the reason why I'm going to find a way to acquire this version for my own. YouTube has done well to prevent downloads of their videos, so I might just contact the guy who posted it. Hopefully, if he doesn't get spooked into thinking I'm a cop, he'll help me out.
I've figured out why this particular version of "You Can't..." is set apart from the others.
It's a Joe Cocker version.
See it this way: Cocker covers the Beatles' "With A Little Help From My Friends" in what has to be one of the best covers at the time, maybe ever since I can't see how he got that kind of intensity out of what is essentially a flowery Ringo tune. It's that intensity that fueled the original version of "You Can't..." to be so great. The intensity that comes with having a boys' choir backing you.
Now the Stones "couldn't" tour with a full boys' choir (at least not in 1973; I'm fairly certain they could put the money together today), so they had to figure out a way to ratchet up that kind of intensity (yes, I'm going to use that word a lot). And they did it with emotion.
The '73 Tour version has all the lyrics, which the "CIRCUS," "LOVE YOU LIVE" and many subsequent versions do not. It also still has a legitimate horn section, including what sounds to be a French horn at the beginning, but very importantly it does NOT contain a keyboard version of a French horn (I'm looking at you, "LOVE YOU LIVE"). Keyboard substitutions for instruments sound exactly like what they are. That, and crap.
Any time I catch "Satisfaction" again, I'm always kind of amazed at how effectively shouty Jagger is by the end "I can't GET NO's," and he employs that same type of, oh, what's the word, INTENSITY to the build up in this '73 version. By the time we get to that final reworking of the opening stanza, with all the instruments that have picked up as the song has progressed playing at full power, he has nowhere to go but up. And he does it.
That's why this version's the best one. It starts out as a sad song, then gets to a kind of angry sadness that transforms into catharsis.
That and it's in a different key. But that's all tech stuff.
And that's the reason why I'm going to find a way to acquire this version for my own. YouTube has done well to prevent downloads of their videos, so I might just contact the guy who posted it. Hopefully, if he doesn't get spooked into thinking I'm a cop, he'll help me out.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Every Story Has A "Batman"
As I watch a TV show or movie, especially of the grand mythology variety like "Lost," I eventually discover which character of the ensemble qualifies as that show's Batman. In other words, which character is two steps ahead of everyone, can adapt to any situation and can get stuff done with few questions. They're often the ones with the worst sense of humor about things, but they're also the guy's you'd want on your side in a fight and they remind me of what I love most about the Caped Crusader. Sometimes they're obvious, sometimes less so. Here's the guide.
"CSI" -- Grissom. Fairly obvious, since he is the kind of emotionless, logical leader of the group.
"Lost" -- Originally, John Locke. Currently, Sayid. Locke became too enamored with his island religion, so we look to Sayid to stay smart (in the world of "Lost," that's as easy as actually asking questions. Questions like "What the hell is going on with this crazy island?").
"Alias" -- Jack Bristow. A no-monkey-business badass, he is a classic "This Show's Batman." He's the guy who put a guy in a choke hold 'til he died then brought him back to life -- without breaking a sweat (key!) -- then told him, "I'll do it again if you don't answer our questions." By the end of the show's run, Jack deserved a better show.
"Star Wars" -- It's R2D2. Think about it: if you need a ship repaired, or flown, or a lock picked, or an escape made possible, you wouldn't call Han or Luke or even Obi-Wan every time. You need The Man. And in this case, the Man is R2... except when he's being eaten by monsters.
"Seinfeld" -- Jackie Childs. This may be a bit of a stretch, but it still holds up. Jackie always has a plan, and that's a top Batman quality.
More to come as I'm still working on just who the Dark Knight of "Friday Night Lights" might be.
"CSI" -- Grissom. Fairly obvious, since he is the kind of emotionless, logical leader of the group.
"Lost" -- Originally, John Locke. Currently, Sayid. Locke became too enamored with his island religion, so we look to Sayid to stay smart (in the world of "Lost," that's as easy as actually asking questions. Questions like "What the hell is going on with this crazy island?").
"Alias" -- Jack Bristow. A no-monkey-business badass, he is a classic "This Show's Batman." He's the guy who put a guy in a choke hold 'til he died then brought him back to life -- without breaking a sweat (key!) -- then told him, "I'll do it again if you don't answer our questions." By the end of the show's run, Jack deserved a better show.
"Star Wars" -- It's R2D2. Think about it: if you need a ship repaired, or flown, or a lock picked, or an escape made possible, you wouldn't call Han or Luke or even Obi-Wan every time. You need The Man. And in this case, the Man is R2... except when he's being eaten by monsters.
"Seinfeld" -- Jackie Childs. This may be a bit of a stretch, but it still holds up. Jackie always has a plan, and that's a top Batman quality.
More to come as I'm still working on just who the Dark Knight of "Friday Night Lights" might be.
Can I Always Get "You Can't Always Get What You Want?"
I don't think it's ever been my favorite song until recently. Now it's the song I can't stop playing over and over again. But which version to choose from? Ah... that presents the problem that almost qualifies as "interesting."
There are obviously several, and when you find yourself to be a fan of a band, you discover that these alternate versions just appear in your collection. I didn't set out to have 3.5 different versions of the song, and yet between albums, collections and live shows I have built up my selection.
Oddly, with all these versions, I still don't actually posses the one I would consider The Best. It's all a personal preference thing, you understand, but it's mine and I'm in charge.
I have the full album cut from "LET IT BLEED," then the trimmed-down B-side version on my "SINGLES COLLECTION" (that's the .5, since it's the same song, technically, just trimmed for radio play... even though I don't think I've ever heard this non-choir-intro version played on the radio), the pre-"BLEED" live version on "ROCK N' ROLL CIRCUS" and the other live version on "LOVE YOU LIVE." But the one I want comes from the 1973 tour (the one with Stevie Wonder) with Mick Taylor on the solo and the song at a full sexy strut.
The first time I heard this version was on a copy of a bootleg CD titled "UPTIGHT," referencing the Wonder song they played during the show. "You Can't..." opened the disc, and it was a mid-tempo fare. The rave-up part was gone--it stayed the same tempo--but what made this tour's version of the song so affective for me was the simple build of a massive sound-wall up and up and up as the song moved on.
To go against my earlier rules, I hereby attach the following example video. It's all I have.
The qualities vary and my preferences have shifted as the years wear on. "You Can't..." is one of those rare Rolling Stones song which was better on the album cut, then made lamer by the trimmed version, then a little better in the 70's, then back to not so great again. The Stones often have varied results with their songs while translating them to stage*. But this particular version, the '72-'73 version, the drugged out version, the horns and guitars and emotional version is my current king. I can't stop seeing an image of myself weeping whenever (if) Richards or Jagger dies, and I'm playing this version over and over again. Like I am now.
*Songs that improve when live include "Miss You," "Shattered" and the Chuck Berry covers. Songs that do not improve when live are "Sympathy for the Devil" after 1970 and "It's Only Rock n' Roll."
Here are my versions
There are obviously several, and when you find yourself to be a fan of a band, you discover that these alternate versions just appear in your collection. I didn't set out to have 3.5 different versions of the song, and yet between albums, collections and live shows I have built up my selection.
Oddly, with all these versions, I still don't actually posses the one I would consider The Best. It's all a personal preference thing, you understand, but it's mine and I'm in charge.
I have the full album cut from "LET IT BLEED," then the trimmed-down B-side version on my "SINGLES COLLECTION" (that's the .5, since it's the same song, technically, just trimmed for radio play... even though I don't think I've ever heard this non-choir-intro version played on the radio), the pre-"BLEED" live version on "ROCK N' ROLL CIRCUS" and the other live version on "LOVE YOU LIVE." But the one I want comes from the 1973 tour (the one with Stevie Wonder) with Mick Taylor on the solo and the song at a full sexy strut.
The first time I heard this version was on a copy of a bootleg CD titled "UPTIGHT," referencing the Wonder song they played during the show. "You Can't..." opened the disc, and it was a mid-tempo fare. The rave-up part was gone--it stayed the same tempo--but what made this tour's version of the song so affective for me was the simple build of a massive sound-wall up and up and up as the song moved on.
To go against my earlier rules, I hereby attach the following example video. It's all I have.
The qualities vary and my preferences have shifted as the years wear on. "You Can't..." is one of those rare Rolling Stones song which was better on the album cut, then made lamer by the trimmed version, then a little better in the 70's, then back to not so great again. The Stones often have varied results with their songs while translating them to stage*. But this particular version, the '72-'73 version, the drugged out version, the horns and guitars and emotional version is my current king. I can't stop seeing an image of myself weeping whenever (if) Richards or Jagger dies, and I'm playing this version over and over again. Like I am now.
*Songs that improve when live include "Miss You," "Shattered" and the Chuck Berry covers. Songs that do not improve when live are "Sympathy for the Devil" after 1970 and "It's Only Rock n' Roll."
Here are my versions
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Radical Blog Overhaul: Rolling Stones, "Star Wars" and Batman
Since Henry was born, the title of this blog became completely out of date. And since I can assume veeeeeeeeeeeery few people are religiously reading, I've decided to make the title not only out of date but completely useless and confusing by dedicating this valuable webspace (and your valuable time) to my three pop-culture obsessions: The Rolling Stones, "Star Wars" movies, and Batman.
I think these are the three things that consume most of my waking day. If I'm not humming a Stones song, then I'm humming a theme song. If I'm not wondering how someone would fit a cape under their shirt, then I'm thinking about how the Millennium Falcon is laid out inside (It's really kind of twisty and turny, right?).
So that's what I'm gonna be writing about from now on. This and only this.
Yeah, yeah, I have a new baby. And he's great. But the way I think/act/behave/play guitar, he's either gonna love these things, too, or hate them with the kind of passion normally reserved for cults and radio hosts (zing).
This blog won't completely ignore the day-to-day life of being a new dad. But it will mostly ignore them. Either that or it'll deal with what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night to do a feeding in the context of "Some Girls."
A few notes to start off with:
1) This won't be a news blog. It's not very helpful at all. If new material comes out, I might comment on it, but strictly from a personal place, not in a "Hey, I'm the first one to tell you about the new Arkham Asylum video game cut scenes for the X-Box that weren't available on yak yak yak-box!" You've obviously got the internet, so if you're into that kind of thing, you can find it. I also don't claim to be an expert or a completist on any of these things. As of this writing, I don't own every single Stones record, don't subscribe to any Batman comics and have yet to see the new "Clone Wars" movie and/or subsequent cartoons. In this regard, this blog will be very nostalgic. Which is something I'm great at.
2) I won't be posting videos all the time. I might, but probably not. I've been a part-time contributor to TheTripwire.com for some time now, and my column "The Greatest Song At This Moment" is more in line with the style of this site -- it's an excuse to talk about something I like for as long as I like. By posting it on a blog, it makes it feel like a conversation, even though many people probably won't give a damn about it.
3) Many people won't give a damn about this. And I don't care. I may wear dark-rimmed glasses, but that appears to be as underground, non-mainstream as I get. I can't get into "Blade Runner," I don't often read alterna-comics, and a lot of indie music bugs the crap out of me.
4) Comparisons and Parallels. I'll be making and drawing a lot of both. You may debate these as you with, but don't expect a conversion. I've had a strong personal relationship with two of these subjects (the non-musical ones) for nearly 32 of my 33 years, and I made up for a lot of lost time on the third in the past 12 years, so any discoveries are most likely going to be personal ones.
5) I'm gonna try not to be a jerk. Seriously. All preceding evidence to the contrary, I want people to find this enjoyable. I'm casting a big net here, picking three incredibly, world-wide popular subjects for discussion. Chances are that everyone likes at least one of these things.
There's probably more now, but I have to go. New-Father stuff. I know... I'll never escape it. Nor do I want to. Except for maybe here a little. We shall see.
I think these are the three things that consume most of my waking day. If I'm not humming a Stones song, then I'm humming a theme song. If I'm not wondering how someone would fit a cape under their shirt, then I'm thinking about how the Millennium Falcon is laid out inside (It's really kind of twisty and turny, right?).
So that's what I'm gonna be writing about from now on. This and only this.
Yeah, yeah, I have a new baby. And he's great. But the way I think/act/behave/play guitar, he's either gonna love these things, too, or hate them with the kind of passion normally reserved for cults and radio hosts (zing).
This blog won't completely ignore the day-to-day life of being a new dad. But it will mostly ignore them. Either that or it'll deal with what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night to do a feeding in the context of "Some Girls."
A few notes to start off with:
1) This won't be a news blog. It's not very helpful at all. If new material comes out, I might comment on it, but strictly from a personal place, not in a "Hey, I'm the first one to tell you about the new Arkham Asylum video game cut scenes for the X-Box that weren't available on yak yak yak-box!" You've obviously got the internet, so if you're into that kind of thing, you can find it. I also don't claim to be an expert or a completist on any of these things. As of this writing, I don't own every single Stones record, don't subscribe to any Batman comics and have yet to see the new "Clone Wars" movie and/or subsequent cartoons. In this regard, this blog will be very nostalgic. Which is something I'm great at.
2) I won't be posting videos all the time. I might, but probably not. I've been a part-time contributor to TheTripwire.com for some time now, and my column "The Greatest Song At This Moment" is more in line with the style of this site -- it's an excuse to talk about something I like for as long as I like. By posting it on a blog, it makes it feel like a conversation, even though many people probably won't give a damn about it.
3) Many people won't give a damn about this. And I don't care. I may wear dark-rimmed glasses, but that appears to be as underground, non-mainstream as I get. I can't get into "Blade Runner," I don't often read alterna-comics, and a lot of indie music bugs the crap out of me.
4) Comparisons and Parallels. I'll be making and drawing a lot of both. You may debate these as you with, but don't expect a conversion. I've had a strong personal relationship with two of these subjects (the non-musical ones) for nearly 32 of my 33 years, and I made up for a lot of lost time on the third in the past 12 years, so any discoveries are most likely going to be personal ones.
5) I'm gonna try not to be a jerk. Seriously. All preceding evidence to the contrary, I want people to find this enjoyable. I'm casting a big net here, picking three incredibly, world-wide popular subjects for discussion. Chances are that everyone likes at least one of these things.
There's probably more now, but I have to go. New-Father stuff. I know... I'll never escape it. Nor do I want to. Except for maybe here a little. We shall see.
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