1) Cleaning out the lint trap in the dryer. Nothing says "scratch satisfaction" quite like scraping my nail against the fine grate and hauling off a big hunk of fuzz.
2) Watching The Same Movie Over And Over. True, my young son will probably not give me much choice in the matter, but if it's anything I've seen before and tolerated, I bet I'll be okay. I've seen "Hoosiers" probably 542 times in my life. This kid doesn't know what he's up against.
3) Sighing. I'm a pro. A champ. I learned from the best -- my own father -- and some day my son will inherit my abilities as well. The "Groan Sigh." The "I'm Outta Here" Sigh. The two-part "I'm Tired and I'm Tired of THIS" combo sigh.
4) Wearing The Same Clothes "Uniform." It's not that I've been wearing the same clothing every day, day in day out, without cleaning it (that would be crazy. ...Wouldn't it?). What I mean is that I have a standard uniform of button-down, short-sleeve shirt over some sort of relaxed pants wear (jeans or shorts or something). My son will have much to rely on when he knows my Dad Uniform is on the scene.
5) Pushing Horrible Jokes. And I mean PUSHING. Like I won't stop telling the same crappy pun-laced horror no matter how many people walk away claiming they're "Just gonna go check something." And no pun is beneath me. I'll reach as far as I can for as little return as there is (that being zero). It doesn't matter. I can't help it. I'm a father now.
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