Friday, July 24, 2009

Non-Breeder Translations

When your pregnancy is coming down to the wire, you being to realize how many inane questions you've heard over the course of 8.5 months. And how many times you've heard them. Today's translated phrase I've heard a more times than I care to think about is...

"So... Are you excited?"

The smart-ass answer is, "Nope. First kids are dull, right? No reason to expect anything to alter this day-to-day living."

I've never been asked if I'm excited by a current parent. Those guys are veterans. They've been through it already, and now we share a bond which reaches beyond empty words.

The people who ask if we're excited are childless loners and/or people hurting for conversation. They (correctly) realize the baby is never far from my mind, so they know asking about anything in the neighborhood of parenting will get a conversation going. But what they might not consciously realizes is that they're freaked out, too. They can't believe this friend -- so like them in many ways -- who was childless for his entire life will now be weighed down with the gruesome task of responsibility.

And they also realize IT COULD HAVE BEEN THEM! Inside they could be as freaked out as this kid at the car wash...


Keeping it together yet terrified. Then they turn to the bottle.

So that's it. Stop asking me. Of course I'm excited, but that's not why you're asking. You're asking me for survivor tips and I have none.

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