Le Star Wars

Qui, you read correctly. I can write in French.

Or I at least write it as well as the people in charge of the following gem understand English. Or movies. Or electricity.

I've worked for three-plus years as a transcription writer for television, and our duties are basically to write down everything said or shown in English so that it can be translated into another language (the foreign markets are so important these days). I don't know who 20th Century Fox used to transcribe the movie, the trailer or even the gist of "STAR WARS," but I'm positive it didn't come close to this.

And even if the story got mangled, it took a visionary -- a man or woman of tremendous ability -- to mangle it all in their head. To make a video like this takes true artistry. Blind, clueless, living-in-your-own-world artistry.

I think the meeting went like this:

EXT. PARIS - CAFE - DAY

Smoke is everywhere as a NERVOUS EXEC meets with a DANCE CHOREOGRAPHER.

NE: "We would like you to direct a music video."

DC: "I've heard of those. I'll do it. Direct on the stage?"

NE: "No, with cameras for television."

DC: "Perfect. What is everything you just said?"

NE: "It's a video for that disco version of the theme from 'Star Wars.'"

DC: "I love it. What is 'Star Wars?'"

NE: "It's this movie. Kind of sci-fi fantasy with lots of --"

DC: "Oh, yes. I have seen the poster. I know just what to do."

NE: "You do?"

DC: "Sure. So the gold robots fight the black face man, they can both fly and dance, they dance with each other and then land on the city, yes? I got it, I got it..."

NE: (wipes his brow)

DC: "Ah! Our crepes are here."

And just for good measure, the Dancing Vaders (aka "The Darth Vader Dancers," aka "Lords of the Sith-Dance") have Batman capes, giving this post a score of 18 out of 30 on the Blog Relevance Meter.