Batman Birthday Image Search

Today is my birthday, and this 34-year-old-with-adolescent obsessions is happy for two things:

1.) His celebrity birthday brother is current film Batman Christian Bale (so long, Gene Hackman! I just got a new trophy-celebrity!)

and 2.) The Google Image search I did for "Batman Birthday." Just on a whim and with a strong desire to come up with a Batman-related post, I typed this in.

Besides this one, which seems to serve #1 perfectly...
...I got mostly decorated cakes. At first, I ignored these. But then I recalled my recent enjoyment of the book and blog "Cake Wrecks" and decided to go with it. Some are cool. Most... less so. Embrace the snark, everyone.

It seems like the easiest and best way to go is to do a round cake with the classic Batman logo. Like so...

Remember "Batman Z?" It was gonna take all the best parts of "Batman Y" and make 'em even better!

There are many ambitious mothers and confused grandparents out there who want more for their son or daughter (probably son), and that leads us to some questionable choices.

This one's admittedly pretty bad ass, except it's for a 5-year old. Not that the old Adam West show wasn't good for that age group, but I just have a hard time understanding how a modern day 5-year-old would appreciate the detail work that went into crafting the opening-credits image of Batman and Robin on his cake.
GRADE: "TOO MUCH TIME SPENT MAKING THIS."

It reads on the cake-page a little more ominously than they meant it. More like "Happy Birthday... Forever." Seems like the perfect title for mid-80's horror shlock. "The boy who never aged, but had to celebrate his birthday so often that he killed people with cake. Cake that had a Bat-logo made of tar."
GRADE: "TAR."

Jeebus... A funny thing about these things; as with any art, it is in the attention to certain details and the neglect of others that point to the artistic voice. Notice this is a riff on the DVD cover for the movie "Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker." We all know the Joker has white skin, but on the box he had been given a greenish hue. That's paying attention to detail. That's the kind of thing that slips when it came to making Batman there. He has a little gimpy leg that kind of droops into a foot. And just incase you don't know what you're looking at, they added "Batman Beyond" at the top. Classic mom cake.
GRADE: "CREEPY."

Pretty incredible, really. That signal looks like it's neon.

GRADE: "NEON = FLAVOR."

Incredible for a different reason. Batman's got sexy cat eyes for you on your birthday, And what tastes better than gray cake?
GRADE: "GRAY FROSTING."

Is it just me or does the writing on this cake look like it was done in ink? And I'm sure it's a trick of the camera, but the little shape on the bottom right looks like a dog. So you've got a skyline against a white sky, a signal shaped like ice cream, ink writing and a dead dog lying in the street about to get hit by the Batmobile.
GRADE: "INK."

I doubt even Robin wanted a Robin cake. And those toys positioned above the cake seem to be passing judgement.
GRADE: "CANDY."


Batman escaping a snow fort on a steel cake. Look at that top! It looks like it could stop a bullet.
GRADE: "FORMIDABLE."

This one reminds me of Frogger.
GRADE: "LOGS."

Now we get into a strange series of Batman sitting on the cakes. Batman rarely looks good sitting unless it's at the driving wheel or a computer. Observe:

There's gotta be a story behind this. Some satirical angle. It's obviously been done by a skilled tradesman. It looks like it's been molded from clay -- Batman's six-pack has definition! -- but the pose is so oddly relaxed. And it's a fat-face Batman, too. This cake Batman looks like he ate too many Batman cakes, and he's sucking it in for the camera.

This one's from Brazil, and maybe in that country, in that culture, a man can sit with very straight posture with no piano or computer or anything in front of him (it's too bad about the piano, because the way the cape flies back it would be perfect for a concert pianist). But to my crappy American eyes, this looks like Batman on the toilet. I cannot be the only one who thinks so.

Yes, happy 6th, Brandon, from your hero, Transexual Batman. (S)he's posed as if we're at Heff's grotto. And that little smile makes it all worth while. Tranny Batman enjoys a little mystery in his-her nightlife, and if you read the right Batsignals, that mystery could be solved quickly. Or get really freaky real fast. Either way.