Hamill-time

For part of my birthday present, my wife watched "EMPIRE STRIKES BACK" with me (she said she knew it would be a treat for me because I often hold off on watching such things as often as I'd like to, because if I did that we'd have to get a divorce; or at least serious marriage counseling; and she was right).

So aside from the usual stuff you notice as you watch something for the zillionth time (like how smooth the transitions are between scenes; we just saw R2D2 get eaten and spit out by a swamp monster, then we go to 3PO in the Falcon asking, "Where is R2 when I need him?"), I realized that Mark Hamill is sadly underrated in this film. He has only two scenes in the entire movie with another human face. Every other scene is with a puppet, a mask, a monster or all of the above.

What's more is he makes those puppet/mask/monster scenes work, and therefore makes the entire movie work. Everyone wanted to give Frank Oz all the credit for making Yoda effective, but if Hamill didn't appear like he was buying it, none of us would have either.

It could have looked horrible. Acting without any real people around you is very difficult. When you don't do it well, it looks like this...

Or this...


Or this...

What you want is this:
A confused, yet ambitious look of desire and hope. He wants to be great. He needs to learn patience and responsibility.

Yeah, I'm probably over stating his abilities purely based on my own nostalgia. I probably take Luke more seriously than I should because I'm hanging onto the feelings I had as a child, letting my memories and perceptions become truth. BIG DEAL. That doesn't mean it's NOT true. And in this case it is. 100%.

We'd be lost without you, Mark. You were the rock.

5 Underated Parenting Techniques For Dads

1. Ignoring Your Child. Experts and experts in magazines will tell you that the best way to raise a child into a great adult is to give them plenty of hands-on attention. Balderdash.

According to the movies, the best thing a kid could get from his dad is a handshake at age 15 and then silence for the rest of his life.

That's what happened for Indiana Jones, and look how he turned out.


He turned out great. He might have given birth to Shia LeBeouf, but that can hardly be blamed on Indy's dad.

2. Plural Wives. I'm only 2 seasons into "Big Love," but I've already asked myself a question that any normal person would ask himself when confronted with such delightful polygamy: Wouldn't all the extra wives make up for my many parenting flaws? The answer is, "Most of the time, yes." Sure, Sarah and Benny have problems, but those are normal for any well adjusted teenager. The rest of the time, they're polite, well-adjusted kids.

I mean even though Niki is a pretty crappy mom, at least she can fix anything. She's the B.A. Baraccus of polygamy living. You try to become the Mormon Wal-Mart and go hunting every now and then while your wives hold meetings about how to schedule having sex with you.


3. Being Murdered. Obviously this isn't a perfect plan, but sometimes we must put our children's lives, happiness and careers before our own. That means the ultimate sacrifice: being murdered under traumatic circumstances. Not only will this give your child uncanny focus and drive, but he will most likely avenge you. And that's all we can really hope for.

And no, I'm not just talking about Batman. I'm talking about another well-adjusted, dedicated son: Hamlet.

Note: I'm not sure who put the music on this clip, but I'd love to meet them.

4. Becoming a Dog.
Yeah, it's gonna be rough. But how else are we going to show our kids that we love them more than our career as Tim Allen?


5. Being A Pro-Wrestler And Whoring Out The Family For Reality TV.
One of these times it's gotta work, right?